It's a game of two halves apparently, but whose team is Cameron on? And can you remind us what the mission was?
*Cameron:* To all of those who doubted our resolve in Afghanistan, I say to you this. Mission Accomplished.
*British troops:* Did we hear that right?
*Cameron: *If you don't believe me, take it from my new foreign secretary **Michael Owen instead.
*Michael Owen: *It's never easy playing Afghanistan in their own back yard and the boys have done all that's been asked of them. They've been tight, professional, defended in depth and tried to nick something on the break. It's been a decent result.
*British troops: *And just what were our objectives, again?
*Cameron:* To restore opium production to its pre-war levels, to create instability in the region and to pull out before the next election while claiming a huge victory.
*British troops: *Ah, so that's what we were doing. Then I see your point. Job done, Mission accomplished.
*Cameron:* Very good, men. Fall out.
*British troops:* Where to?
*Cameron:* The dole queue.
*Owen: *Keep battling, guys. It's a war of two halves. Now which side are you on, Mr Cameron?
*Cameron:* I'm Team Nigella.
*Judge:* Are there any other ongoing court cases you'd care to risk prejudicing?
*Cameron:* Mmm, let me think.
*Blair:* It is terrible when old friends fall out, isn't it?
*Rupert Murdoch: *Then you shouldn't have sneaked off to my California ranch with Wendi behind my back.
*Osborne:* And why is the IFS giving me such a hard time about everyone getting so much worse off? Look how much cash Nigella had sloshing around her handbag?
*Nadhim Zahawi:* Quite right. The problem with this country is that everyone's got far too much cash. Let's limit child benefit to parents with just two kids.
*Everyone: *Why would you want to do that?
*Zahawi: *So that there's enough dosh for me to claim money to heat my stables. It's an outrage I couldn't get away with claiming it on expenses.
*Nadine Dorries: *I know what you mean. I can't live on £65K a year.
*Clegg:* Can I appear in this column, please?
*Boris: *Ah, the lap dog speaks!
*Clegg:* Woof. Reported by guardian.co.uk 19 hours ago.
*Cameron:* To all of those who doubted our resolve in Afghanistan, I say to you this. Mission Accomplished.
*British troops:* Did we hear that right?
*Cameron: *If you don't believe me, take it from my new foreign secretary **Michael Owen instead.
*Michael Owen: *It's never easy playing Afghanistan in their own back yard and the boys have done all that's been asked of them. They've been tight, professional, defended in depth and tried to nick something on the break. It's been a decent result.
*British troops: *And just what were our objectives, again?
*Cameron:* To restore opium production to its pre-war levels, to create instability in the region and to pull out before the next election while claiming a huge victory.
*British troops: *Ah, so that's what we were doing. Then I see your point. Job done, Mission accomplished.
*Cameron:* Very good, men. Fall out.
*British troops:* Where to?
*Cameron:* The dole queue.
*Owen: *Keep battling, guys. It's a war of two halves. Now which side are you on, Mr Cameron?
*Cameron:* I'm Team Nigella.
*Judge:* Are there any other ongoing court cases you'd care to risk prejudicing?
*Cameron:* Mmm, let me think.
*Blair:* It is terrible when old friends fall out, isn't it?
*Rupert Murdoch: *Then you shouldn't have sneaked off to my California ranch with Wendi behind my back.
*Osborne:* And why is the IFS giving me such a hard time about everyone getting so much worse off? Look how much cash Nigella had sloshing around her handbag?
*Nadhim Zahawi:* Quite right. The problem with this country is that everyone's got far too much cash. Let's limit child benefit to parents with just two kids.
*Everyone: *Why would you want to do that?
*Zahawi: *So that there's enough dosh for me to claim money to heat my stables. It's an outrage I couldn't get away with claiming it on expenses.
*Nadine Dorries: *I know what you mean. I can't live on £65K a year.
*Clegg:* Can I appear in this column, please?
*Boris: *Ah, the lap dog speaks!
*Clegg:* Woof. Reported by guardian.co.uk 19 hours ago.